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RepulsionEven in my dreams I find no asylum
Seamlessly transitioning to a more conscious labyrinth paved with clarity, fortitude, destruction, and that confounding, indescribable that seems to morph and adjust, but always gripping to “me".
It would seem that my two options are to change and prosper, or retrogress and cease. The tilt slides me from one spectrum to the next with unpleasant frequency but I find my home sits uncomfortably in the between. Craving the heights, then higher, while the abyss sucks me down, ultimately never moving.
The repel of the poles.
Once You Break.I hit a breaking point. But life was not yet through with me. It had much more in store. Much more agony to pile on. Much more misery to deliver.
I’ve tried anything and everything I can think of. Trying to seek help from any form it may take. Nothing has worked. Nothing is fucking working.
No habit keeps me grounded anymore. I have a hatred for every vice of mine. I tried the drugs, alcohol, sex, crime, debauchery and hedonism. I tried sobriety, abstinence, lawfulness, patience and virtue.
In between all the trying and failing, I couldn’t help but rip apart the skin around my fingernails until it became a deformity. I give my fingertips a break only until my inner cheek needs one.
Maybe my life once had value. Maybe it once held merit. But now, I’ve fallen out of step. I can only see the world as it goes. Pulsing from clarity to befuddlement.
I have nothing to add. Plenty to subtract. My skills and knowledge are better suited for a less fragmented soul. But, who wa
Painted MemoriesPainted memories
Of the times that we will never see
Never should’ve invested so much time
But I’m so drawn to you like gravity
Promises now broken
Laid out just soak in-
To this mess, or this heart, or at least the part that I left open
The invitation that you left me
Just because you fucking get me
Doesn't mean that I was ready
To have the knife slide through my belly
All I know, I know it well
On this "us" I cannot dwell
I'd rather feel my high
Then let this drag me down through hell
I set my goals and expectations
And kept my Zen like patience
But you'd rather keep me waiting 'til my patience makes a patient
Out of what is left of this soul
Not much, an empty road
I guess I failed another test
As I watched it all unfold.
The Hardest Break-UpIt was a mild summer day
I begged her to stay
I bore my heart and soul
But she left me anyway
What did I say?
What could I have done?
I thought that we were happy
I thought she was the one
Please just tell me
Tell what went wrong
Was it the poems?
Was it my love songs?
You're all I've dreamed of
You said I was it too
I guess that pure love
Wasn't enough for you
Can you only think about yourself?
It pains to ache for someone
Who considers no one else
I saw no signs
No change in mood
You hid it all, all too well
No notes were wrote
No clues to why
But I'm left here in this hell
She was so beautiful
As she laid on our bed
Sunk like lead
Empty containers filled our spread
My beloved, my life
My True SelfI have no inspiration
I have no passion
I am worthless and unmotivated
I am an empty shell
A withering heart
I am unstable
I am powerless and weak
Sick and never healthy
I am detached
Being stepped on and walked over
Always at my worst
I am nothing.
Sudden Betrayal Sudden Betrayal
How could she?
I never saw it coming
Why would she?
We were sworn to one another
I gave up my world to the phrase " because I love her."
How could she?
Utter and plea that she would do anything for me
Why would she?
Turncoat in the presence of family
And let the vultures peck at me bodily
How could she?
Nay, how dare she cry to me, "I love you and will do anything for you."
Why would she?
Set me up for the firing squad
Then afterwards, try to seduce me like I was the one who was odd
How could she?
Cling so tensely to innocence as to deny what was witnessed
Why would she?
See the consequences of her actions as I have perceived
It was OUR fight, but now, only I believe
How could I?
Have been so caught in a web spun of affection
Why would I?
Put faith in you again
Life is a Study of ContrastIf not for the darkness,
We wouldn’t know the difference
Between a star and a ball of dust.
Life is a study of contrast.
We get dark,
Not to fall apart
But to shine.
BrokenI'm not broken,
Just a little bent.
All those words you've spoken,
Just left me a little dent.
My heart isn't shattered,
It just has a crack.
Sore, bruised, and battered,
But my tears I hold back.
Please don't worry about me.
I'm fine, I swear.
I just want you to see,
That I'm still able to be repaired.
Even though I'm hurt, damaged, and weakened,
Even though I've felt so much pain.
It doesn't mean I'm truly beaten,
It just means that I'll need a little help again.
Bad HabitI think I was your drink of fine wine,
only used when needed from time to time
I'd get you tipsy, as stars collide
Your drunk, slurred words
blending in with mine
(I couldn't even comprehend
when you said it wouldn't happen again)
I think I was your cigarette break
when anxiety filled,
from me, you'd take
One puff here, and one puff there
(I could barely hear
when you said, "I'm sorry, dear")
I think I was your line of cocaine,
thinking I'd be there to ease your pain
I'd bring you higher,
head suspended in clouds
(So I knew it was fake,
when you said, "It was my mistake")
I think I was your bad habit,
and ignorantly, you were mine
You continue to relapse, my dear
But rest assured:
I won't this time.
How to Hug from Far AwayType and write, your arms wide open,
smile through emotions, the warming moment.
Far away, but so very close.
For the friends and family, you love the most.
Create a letter, then press enter,
send your love you’re no pretender.
Across the sea, one day you’ll meet.
For friends and family, you’ll one day greet.
Retrieve a message, return the hug,
feel so better, a different love.
From different lands, gentle hands.
For friends and family, who make you glad.
It’s easy to hug from far away,
But harder to feel, the warmth we need.
WallsTell them all your secrets.
They'll never tell a soul.
They'll keep you standing up
When your body's had its toll.
Beat them in your anger.
They'll never scream or cry.
They'll let you vent your feelings
And never pester why.
Hide within their safety.
They'll keep you tucked away.
They'll let in just enough light
For you to know it's day.
Unrequited LoveAn act of admirable courage
from the sincerest of hearts
a love that I cannot encourage
the feeling in me then departs.
Do not be in solitary confusion
I have a burning determination
do not reach the wrong conclusion
but I must reject this fixation.
It is not you, nor is it me
please do not lose all hope
but I believe this was not meant to be
I know that you will be able to cope.
A heart with fervent ambition
may not be able to settle as easily
a pretend love cannot come to fruition
truly, I do care for you deeply.
Forgive me, how selfish am I
for turning away such a great love
please don't let your spirits die
No words of appeasement to think of.
I apologize endlessly for your unrequited love.
Maiden of the Olive Oil TreeMaiden of the olive oil tree -
caryatid body, color of cream,
how do you fare against the crumbling temple?
How do you fare against the pressure
weighting upon your chest?
For you have long kept this temple,
broken, like a mother.
You have long adorned it
with your cultivated crest.
But when the framework falters -
the foundation all decaying -
will you climb the olive branches,
free, no more inept?
And bathe in oil satin,
to smooth the ancient scarring,
as time releases tension
from your ankles to your breasts.
His Last Kill"Open the window," he said to me,
one morning after the sparrow had died.
"Cast his feather, his copper wing,
his beak of honor, his perch of pride."
But I couldn't cast them - set them free -
to the breeze or to the rolling tide,
for the sky was static, the water - bleak,
and the conscience of my suitor - denied.
CompatabilityI will lie to you
You will have your fun
And I will be no better
When you and I are done
I'll forget your eyes
You will curse my smile
We will both lose sleep
For only a little while
My words I speak are ernest
Every word is true
But I know how it is
I know what I am to you
So when I begin to fall
And you tell me not to feel
I'll echo your vicious words
That "we" were never real
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Bluefley has a gallery filled with artwork that whisks you off in to a Sci-fi daydream, and keeps you captivated for hours. Marc has been a member of our community for over a decade and has achieved nothing but success with his astounding commitment to interacting with the community, sharing a prolific amount of video tutorials and generally being an all round rockstar deviant. It is no joke that we are absolutely delighted to award the Deviousness Award for April 2014 to ... Read More